I’m deathly afraid to lose you. The pressure is on, my time is almost up. Too many ‘what if’ in my head. I really don’t want you to leave.



You’ll be leaving for 2 weeks to a foreign land.

And today started badly. With my mum and all.

I’m deeply sorry.

I know no matter what I say, it won’t get rid of you annoyance and tiredness on our situation.

I won’t say much. I’ll face whatever that is coming for me when you’re away.

You are still my closest friend, my person, no matter what she or anyone says.

I remember you saying that I should blog whenever I missed you. Let’s just say that you’ll be coming back to a blog filled with posts.

I don’t blame you if you’re leaving with hatred or annoyance or whatever.

I just hope that this wont affect the amazing past few weeks I had with you.


“Wherever you are, no matter how far,
I promise that I won’t give up on you
They say out of sight means out of mind
But they couldn’t be further from the truth
Cause I’m in love with you.”

“Even if there is an ocean
Keeping your heart from mine
That doesn’t mean I’m not thinking
About you all the time
I’m counting the days till I see you.”


I really am going to miss you. 😦

Last night was heart wrenching. I felt so horrible. Walking away from you, not even looking at you. I hated myself. I wish I died or never existed. I felt so unworthy, so undeserving of you. I felt like such a bad person. And you cried. I felt my heart literally die and went to hell. I’m so sorry my love.

Why don’t you talk to me? Tell me how you feel? If this was real, I would say this…. I’m your fucking fiancée, I’m gonna make you my wife. I want to be your pillar of strength, your motivation, your everything. I wanna be what you are to me, for you.

I know I shouldn’t purposely make you tell me everything but I feel like you just don’t trust me. You put up this strong front of everyone, even for me. I salute you for being strong but you can’t lie. Especially to me. Just talk to me. If not today or tomorrow, any day will do. I give you all my days.

Your silence scares me. Your mixed emotions almost kills me every time. I’m so afraid that you’ve lost your feelings towards me.

I’m trying. Please don’t give up on me yet.

I miss you. And even after everything, my love for you is still very strong. Doesn’t that count for something.

I miss you so much that I’m getting sick from it. Literally. This cold, itchy throat, watery eyes. I miss your texts, your voice, your hug and kisses. Nothing is right without you. I feel so disorientated. I need my nurse (you). Come back to me….

All these thoughts are scaring me, killing me.


I love you.

Fully, absolutely, crazy in love with you.

What more can I say?

Forever is somewhere that I want to go with you.

You’ve been in my dreams.
You’ve been in my thoughts.

I would say you’ve been in my prayers but I don’t know if I’m doing that right. But deep in my heart, I closed my eye right and hope that you’re fine no matter what.

To me, loving someone used to always be about me. But after I met you, I’ve never cared about anyone so much. If someone hurt you; you don’t have to say it, I’ll definitely have your back and defend you. Likewise if you’re tired, sad, angry; I’ll give you my shoulder, I’ll wipe your tears and I’ll listen to your rants.

I can see that all this time, there’s this other person in you which not a lot of people get to see. Maybe, only me. I not only feel this sense of responsibility but I also want to make you feel better. I may not be the best person to help you in this situation but I do know how it feels to have all this ‘thoughts’. And that kinda counts.

Basically, you were there when I was at my worst and I wanna be there for you now.

Don’t push me away cause I’m never gonna leave.

Are we okay?

Are you okay?

I can write something long just like the text but I’m afraid you would think that it’s repetitive.

I’m sure you know you’re an amazing person. It’s just human nature for us to deny ourselves.

I love you. And only you.

You’re the best and none can ever replace you.