I strive for it. I strive more with it. I need it.

Sex dream

Topless and on me.

Hand and nails dig deep in your bag.

Hand, grabbing you blonde hair.

Chest to chest.

Lip locking, tongue war.

Nipple foreplay.

Neck kissing.

Whisper in my ear.

Make out.

Body drawing with hands.

Pussy grinding.

Clitoris foreplay.

Finger fucking.

Neck biting.

Moans, screams, fuck!____________________________________________

Body to body.

Closeness.

Satisfied and loved.

Hugs. Kisses. Intimacy.

I love you.

One day

One day, I’m going to propose to you. It may be a big or just a small, intimate proposal. I’m not sure yet. But I know damn sure that I will cry. I’ve thought about proposing you many times a day. Especially on days that I feel so much joy. I’ve seen it all in my head, how I’m ugly crying and confessing how crazy in love I am with you and you allowing me to slip that ring in your finger.

One day, I will give you an amazing wedding with our close friends, a beautiful dress in an amazing location. One day, I will give you an amazing life because you deserve every bit of it. I will give you all this ‘one days’. They will be my gift to you for coming into my life. You have no idea how much happiness and laughter you bring into my life.

I realize that I’m taking a long time to do all the things that I say. But please be patient with me baby. I know I can do it and make you happy.

RCA

I’m the cause of everything. I’m sorry.

No matter what

First day of work and all everyone had to ask me was what happen on my AL? How did I manage to get on another flight? Isn’t it obvious, but another ticket, duh! Shocked faces is all I get.

No one will ever get why I do certain things. I mean it when I say “no matter what”. I may be exhausted or ill but if you want to see me, I will go to you. I may be a thousand miles away from you with very little available days, I will find a way to fly to you. You may be busy with stuff or work and I’m upset, I will go and see you cause that’s enough to cheer me up. I may be overwhelmed with work or life in general but if you need my help, I will drop everything for you.

But despite all that, I know I make a lot of mistakes. Avoidable mistakes. I curse myself so much whenever I make a mistake. I wish I could always turn back time to a few minutes so I can take back what I said. I don’t know how you can withstand me all this time.

You are constantly changing and improving. Gorgeous looks, impressive hobbies, amazing work portfolio. I can’t seem to match up. I guess I am changing: gaining in size, a new skill (always saying something wrong) and being boring. I don’t know how to match up. I don’t know how to fix the problem. Why am I so stupid?!

That’s probably why I can’t accept when you compliment me. I don’t believe it. But I don’t care about whatever I feel. As long as at that moment, you are happy. Are you happy?

There’s no story line or a planned topic for this post. I guess this is just some things that are constantly on my head. I’m not gonna lie, I’m extremely happy with you but very scared at the same time. I don’t want to lose you in any way. But I do realize that most of the time, I’m the one doing things that drive you away.

I’m a work in progress. I’m really trying.

As I write this paragraph, I’m imagining you’re in bed with me, both facing one another. I locked eyes with you. Just looking at you, I feel the most at peace. No worries or stress. Just so so much love. Love that I wanna tell everyone about and shout from the rooftops. I just wanna cup your face and kiss you everywhere. Hold you tight and never let you go. I’m so crazy in love with you.

I’m sorry if reading this is such a waste of time.

I’m sorry if I’m a waste of your time.